Relationships Advice for Single and Married Couples
Relationship Advice: Five Things
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|Relationship advice is
important to every couple that is involved in a
relationship. Whether you are a man or a woman, you should know the five
things that every woman needs from her man. Surely there are other needs
that could be added to this list, but I believe that these five "needs"
are important to the success of your relationship.
If you are a man, work at providing them. If you are a woman, know that things will not go well if your man doesn't see the value in providing you with these five things.
1. A woman needs to feel appreciated. Now you might be surprised that I don't start with her need for love. Most men will say, "I love you." But they just might not appreciate their woman in the way she wants to be appreciated.
Feeling appreciation is such an important part of a woman's make-up. So many women are "givers" in that they do their best to meet the needs of the husbands and children. But even a giver needs to know that her efforts are appreciated.
Now guys, it isn't enough for you to appreciate your wife or girlfriend, if you don't tell her. Many guys will say, "Well, she knows I appreciate her." That may be true, but there is something so nice about occasionally having that appreciation be put into words. Try statements like: "I love the way you fix yourself up for me." Or, "I really do appreciate the way you work so hard."
But we all have a tendency to take our loved ones for granted. So you must make the effort to look at your lover and ask yourself what you like about her. Then tell her. We all like words of appreciation.
2. A woman needs to share a deep emotional bond with her man. Now what do I mean by that? Women love it when they see that their man is in touch with his feelings. By that they enjoy knowing that you have feelings and that you are not ashamed to share them.
Many men have a hard time "opening up" to women. Maybe they don't like to talk much. Or they just don't like "touchy, feely" sorts of topics. When asked how they feel, they simply go into the "no comment" mode. If this is your natural approach to communication, you will be missing a serious and important part of your woman's needs, because a woman needs to know your feelings. She also needs to feel that the two of you have a deep emotional connection.
When I was dating my wife (to be), she commented to me what she really liked was the fact that I understood her. She loved the fact that I listened to her feelings and validated them. She also liked the fact that I was willing to open up and share my own feelings when we talked. We quickly became "best friends" while we were dating.
The best relationships are usually based upon a deep and strong emotional connection between the lovers. If she feels like you're listening to what she has to say, and that you can open up, you will be miles ahead of most other guys.
3. A woman wants you to feel that she is feminine and sexy. This is so logical, but it is surprising how many men have a tough time communicating their feelings about how they view their woman. Do you find her attractive and feminine? Do you find her sexy? Then tell her.
There are so many creative ways to tell your woman that you find her attractive. Surprise her with a loving gaze when she is busy doing something routine (like making dinner). Smile at her when she asks you a question (be so carried away with her that you almost don't hear the question). Wink at her in the middle of a crowded room.
You should also make a point of telling her directly how you feel. At a party, you might whisper in her ear: "You are the best looking woman in the room." Saying such things at a moment when everyone is preoccupied and put a sparkle in her eyes knowing that the two of you have your own special connection.
Women are extremely verbal. They love it when a man talks to them in a sexy way. Tell her the sexy things you like about her. Whisper them in her ear when she least expects to hear those words (like in the middle of a movie or in a crowded elevator).
Words can be VERY sexy to a woman. Be descriptive and provocative when you talk to her. Say something like, "I love the way your blonde hair shines in the glow of the setting sun" . . . "Do you know how good you make that black dress look? It would be nothing without your incredible figure inside."
Don't say something that you don't mean or feel. Most women sense flattery quickly. When you flatter, you are telling someone what they want to hear, but which you don't believe. Flattery can hurt your relationship.
On the other side of the coin, women, if your man tells you that you look sexy, smile and accept the compliment graciously. Nothing is more frustrating that to be with a woman of low self-esteem who retorts to your compliments with responses like, "Oh, come on. You know that I'm not really that good looking." Learn how to graciously receive his compliments and you'll get many more.
4. A man who knows how to be romantic. What does it mean to be romantic? Years ago I actually wrote a book called "Romance" for teenagers, and doing the research for it told me many things.
Romance is a state of mind. Its finding the love and the joy in a relationship when everyone else is missing it. Romance is taking the time to notice the little things, like how your woman looks or how much you appreciate her. But even more important, its taking the time and doing something about it.
No matter what your personality, you can be romantic if you make the effort. Many women love a man who read (or better yet, write) poetry. It doesn't have to rhyme, just put your thoughts and feelings into verse and surprise her with a note.
Why do flowers make such a big impact upon a woman? I believe it is because they are such a temporary and even frivolous purchase. They'll often say something like, "Oh, you shouldn't have." But that's precisely why they appreciate them so much. They see that you are willing to "waste" your money on those fragrant blossoms knowing that you will make her day. And that's romantic.
5. A woman needs a man who won't take her grief. Many women purposely describe themselves as being "high maintenance." What they mean by this is often that they should have the right to be self-centered. Any man who puts up with a selfish woman is not doing her any favors. When a woman acts in a self-focused way, she will end up feeling a certain amount of guilt. And if you let her act this way, she will end up losing respect for you.
A woman may not realize it, but this is really a test. She wants to see if a man is "man enough" to tame her. Now I am not saying that she wants her man to stifle or control her. But she does want to know that he won't take any of her grief. She wants to know that she respects himself and her too much to put up with her crap.
All of us need to be held accountable for our actions. And any man who lets a woman get away with being self-focused, will only find that he has allowed her to become a demanding wench. It is far better to call her on her immaturity then let her play this game. Take my word for it, she will love you far more if you refuse to put up with any grief from her. Unless you enjoy being her servant.
One of the foundation stones of any good relationship is respect. If a woman stops trusting her man, it will likely end up killing their relationship. As hard as it might be for you, if you really love your woman, you must "be the man" and tell her clearly that you expect her to treat you with respect.
In return, of course, you will treat her with respect. Whenever she does something that is out of line, you'll call her on it, in the same way you would expect her to call you on your behavior if you act in a way that does not respect her.
About the Author:
John Souter is a licensed minister and President of Maui Me, Inc., a full-service Maui wedding company. He founded several churches in Oregon and Northern California (two of which are running into the thousands of attendees each week). He is also the author of 50 books and multitudes of articles, scripts and papers. His books have been translated into 8 languages.
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